Project Spoiled Rotten

I've been watching Project Greenlight this season. This has actually been more of a challenge than you'd think, since new episodes the show are being aired on two channels (Bravo and Sci Fi) at constantly changing times, which messes with my ReplayTV settings and leads to a lot of duplicate episodes being saved.

I never really got into the show's first few seasons. I did watch The Battle of Shaker Heights (and almost enjoyed it), but watching a film produced by the contest didn't make me want to watch the whole process behind the film. This time around, however, they're producing a cheesy horror movie, which is right up my alley. So far, the show has been enjoyable. Instead of working with the Indy studio they normally run with, the Project Greenlight producers are doing their film with Dimension, the edgy wing of Miramax Films, with the goal being to make money at any cost. This makes for some great drama, as their film noir-styled director battles the money men and fights for creative control of his project.

Already, the director has been sabotaged by a self-serving casting agent and has had major friction with his Director of Photography. While airing these conflicts, the show's producers are doing a good job of keeping much of the movie, itself, under wraps. For example, they have yet to show the monster design, or give away key plot points. This is important if they want the people that watch the show to pay $8 to see the movie.

But something I saw in this week's episode made me laugh and made me realize how unreal this reality show is. See, as opposed to most reality shows that use real people who want to be actors, this show features a lot of actors who are far from being real people. And this is where the surreal comedy comes from.

On the most recent episode, which covered the first week of filming, we got to meet the "all-star" cast of Feast, the Project Greenlight movie. Stop me when you recognize a name:

Navi Rawat .... Heroine
Henry Rollins .... Coach
Duane Whitaker .... Boss Man
Balthazar Getty .... Bozo
Jenny Wade .... Honey Pie
Krista Allen .... Tuffy
Anthony 'Treach' Criss .... Vet
Eric Dane .... Hero
Judah Friedlander .... Beer Guy
Diane Goldner .... Harley Mama
Clu Gulager .... Bartender
Somah Haaland .... Charlie
Tyler Patrick Jones .... Cody
Jason Mewes .... Edgy Cat
Mike J. Regan .... The Creature (s)
Eileen Ryan .... Grandma
Gary J. Tunnicliffe .... The Creature (s)
Josh Zuckerman .... Hot Wheels

Not exactly a Who's Who in Hollywood, huh? Sure, we all know former punk icon Henry Rollins (though not for his acting chops). And Balthazar Getty's been around for a while. And maybe independent film fans will recognize Judah Friedlander and Jason Mewes. But the rest of the cast is either unknown, or known more for their celebrity status than their work.

But having a no-name cast like this only adds to the dramedy of the show. Already, several of the cast members have started acting like primadonnas, which is hilarious when you consider who they are. For example, during some confusion on day two, several of the cast members began to complain about the delays or about not being used enough.

"Unbelievable, I've never been on a set like this before!" whines Navi Rawat. Be honest, Navi. According to IMDB, you've only ever been on eight film sets, total, and half of them were TV movies. Your claim to fame is as a guest star on the OC; you're not a Hollywood vet. Maybe, as a beginning actress you could show a little support for a beginning director?

Actress Krista Allen added, "I don't know what he wants me to do. I've never worked with a director who wodn't tell me what to do." So I'm guessing you're comparing this director with the stellar leaders you worked with on the eight Emmanuelle movies you did? (My favorite of which was the straight-to-video Emmanuelle in Space.) It was probably much easier to get direction when the only order the director had to give you was "lay back and spread 'em." Again, a little patience for the new guy, okay? You're not exactly Nicole Kidman, so don't expect him to be Stanley Kubrick on his first week.

Heck, even lowly Jason Mewes was complaining that he had errands to run and places to be. The one thing these actors and actresses all forget, of course, is that they're being paid to show up, whether they're on film or not. They're paid every day they're on set, and it's a better rate than my daily salary, that's for damn sure. Also, they forget that while they're on the job, they work for the studio. Have you ever had a job where, while you're on the clock, you felt you should be allowed to leave and run your personal errands because your boss wasn't managing your time well enough?

If the studio is paying you to sit around and play your Gameboy, that's what you should do. Quit bitching about being bored. Most people have boring jobs--ones that don't get us fame, riches, and entrance into hot parties. If you prefer being busy to being rich and famous, become a factory worker. Otherwise, bring a book to the set and make good use of the time. Lord knows you could all use some education.

I've had a small amount of exposure to what they call "talent" in the years that I've worked in the television industry. The folks I've met have ranged from "super-nice girl-next-door" to "arrogant, boorish asshole." But one thing that has been constant from person to person is that no matter how inconsequential these people are in the grand scheme of things, they're all treated like royalty by the crew and producers. I don't care if he/she's the host of an infomercial, that actor will be given the red carpet when they arrive to the set. See what it does to their egos?

Of course, it does make for funny reality TV...