The Punisher

Wow, this movie has been sitting in my queue for almost three months! I had entered it around the same time that I reviewed Robots and Catwoman, but didn't feel like finishing it...and still don't.

Yes, I know I've been incredibly lax about posting lately, but do I have to jump back in with a Punisher review? Isn't there something more compelling I could write about that wouldn't bring such excruciating pain to my frontal lobe? Of course there is. But I decided I would kill my old posts in order, and this mofo is first. Here comes the hurt.

The Punisher (2004) directed by Jonathan Hensleigh

Story: Sadly, the plot of this film stayed pretty true to the comic series. I say "sadly," because that's usually all that a comic book geek like me wants--for the comic to come to life. But after sitting through this piece of crap, I find myself now wishing that they'd veered wildly from the course, so that a future director may have a reason to try to set the franchise right, sort of like we'll soon see happen with The Hulk. But I think that's what already happened with the Punisher. The Dolph Lundgren version sucked, so the powers-that-be thought they'd make a better version. Now that this one sucked, they probably won't try again. Anyway, just to stay on-topic, here's the story: Undercover federal agent Frank Castle has his cover blown, which leads to his near death and to his family being gunned down in cold blood. Once he's back on his feet, he enacts his vengeance on the killers while wearing a big white skull on his chest. Nothing too original, here.

The Good: Despite making Frank a fed, rather than the cop he was in the comics, the movie pretty much gets the character and his backstory right. I'm still torn on whether or not this is actually a good thing, but I needed something to put in this space, didn't I?

The Bad: Man, oh man. I don't want to be a negative Nancy, but this section could get a little long if I try to go into detail. This movie sucked. The casting was uninspired--Thomas Jane was wooden as the lead, Travolta was another parody of a villain (has he done a single role since Pulp Fiction that was anything other than a parody of his character from Pulp Fiction?), Rebecca Romijn was worthless as the sort-of love interest, and all the lesser characters should turn in their SAG cards and go back to their day jobs. The story, beyond being true to the comic, was as predictable as the changing of the seasons. Even the special effects were weak. When a wall crashed away, it always looked like a breakaway panel. While there wasn't one spectacularly bad scene, like the basketball scene in Catwoman, here was just nothing to admire in this piece of refuse.

The Verdict: I watch a lot of bad movies. It's pretty much a lifestyle choice for me at this point. And no matter how awful a movie is, I usually don't feel like I've wasted my time. I just pretend it's research for a future career as a screenwriter or movie reviewer. I'm very good at rationalizing things away like that. But this film was really hard to justify. As a comic book fan, I guess I needed to see it. But as a person, watching something like this doesn't exactly improve my state of being.

Skip The Punisher. You'll thank me later.