50 Lamest Things

Last month, Maxim Magazine published an article called Maxim's 50 Lamest Things of All Time. I thought it would be kind of fun to make a meme out of their list, letting people own up to their responsibility for these random acts of lameness.

I'm not sure how memes get started, or how they spread, so this may just remain a singular list on this site. But if you feel like posting it on your own blog, please do. It would be kind of fun to see something I wrote make its way through the blogosphere.

The rules are simple: Below, you'll find the fifty lamest things according to Maxim Magazine.
- Copy and paste the list into your own blog or website.
- Bold the atrocities that you're already guilty of committing or the items you already own. Take responsibility for your involvement in the weakening of the US as a world power.
- Italicize the items on the list that you agree with, and that you would rather die than support.
- If an item is something that you're not involved in at the moment, but really have no opinion on either way, leave it alone.
- If you need clarification of an item, click over to Maxim's official list.
- Feel free to add comments wherever and however you want.

Maxim Magazine's 50 Lamest Things of All Time:

50. dogs in handbags
49. adults on scooters
48. "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley - Hey, it's a good song.
47. whale tails on small cars
46. pictures of your children
45. convoluted bongs
44. men in helmets - I may look stupider in a helmet than anyone else I know. But I bike late at night, and want to keep my brain in my skull.
43. Dane Cook - Most overrated frat boy of the modern age.
42. Utah
41. "That's just the way I roll." - Still haven't worked this one out of my vocab.
40. rappers who aren't shot
39. comedy sketches on hip-hop albums
38. breastless sideline reporters - I prefer the guys (most of whom either played or have been in the sports biz for years) over the breasty blondes (most of whom had never been to a game sober before getting that job)
37. airplane neck pillows
36. frosted tips
35. Tripper's game
34. pepper jack cheese - Don't hate the cheese.
33. people who swim with dolphins - We've never been, but it's one of my wife's dreams, and I will make it happen.
32. men with lip piercings
31. throwing stars - Those who hate throwing stars have never thrown throwing stars. They rock!
30. "It is what it is!" - Another thing I still say.
29. Robin Williams: talk-show guest - He's still doing the same frantic, racist voices and characters as he was thirty years ago, but can no longer blame the coke.
28. premium gas
27. white-boy afros
26. lottery winners with jobs - What's with that?
25. Brad Pitt being all intellectual - Love him as an actor, hate him as a thoughtful environmentalist and global activist.
24. turf toe - They play every game on turf. Shouldn't someone have invented something to prevent this by now?
23. Eddie singing - Come on, "Party All the Time" is a classic!
22. minivans - Yes, I know I'll own one eventually.
21. fauxhawks
20. virtual reality
19. Bode Miller - Why is this chokemeister still on commercials?
18. white-collar bikers
17. Jim Belushi - I think I liked a movie he was in once, but it may be my imagination.
16. the wispy mustache - Can't take anyone seriously who grows this out.
15. dream catchers
14. baby boomers - If they all disappeared, I'd move up three or four levels at work.
13. popped collars
12. soft-core porn - Pointless.
11. Paul Haggis
10. tail on the puck - Sorry, but I can't follow the puck. I need this little special effect to be able to watch hockey at all.
9. Kanye West - Hate his idiocy, but he makes good music.
8. Vegan bacon - Makes no sense.
7. 'A grande decaf venti caramel soy macchiato." - Yes, it sounds pretentious, but I've been guilty of ordering some elaborately named coffee drinks in my time.
6. cell phone holsters
5. Nancy Grace
4. crooks finding Jesus
3. women who stop at the bottom of the escalator - Move, lady! Same goes for people who stop in the entryways of buildings.
2. MJ's second comeback - He should have retired--er, stayed retired--as a Bull.
1. mandals - I owned some back in the day, but they shall never again see the sun.