The Amityville Horror

Yeah, I know I planned to do a post a day and clear out all of my horror movie reviews. But a week's vacation and the planning it took to get out of town without bringing my job with me sort of killed that idea. I created all of the posts and even arranged them by day...but then never typed and submitted the reviews. I'll try to catch up, but it may not happen. :) Anyway, here's the first one I had in the queue.

The Amityville Horror (2005) directed by Andrew Douglas

Story: Ryan Reynolds and Melissa George star as a young couple who buy a great house at a very low price...despite the fact that the house was a murder scene just a year earlier. The two move in, along with George's three kids, and quickly start to run into bizarre occurrences. But really, nobody's as effected as dear old stepdad Reynolds, who quickly goes from "fun dad" to "psycho killer," gunning for his own family. The movie's a remake, but the original is supposedly based on a true story. Who knows how far the remake is from the truth.

The Good: Ryan Reynolds actually pulls off "crazy" pretty well. He transitions from his usual smarmy rogue to a guy who's losing his marbles without too much work, which is kind of impressive. He's even still carrying some of his Blade 3 bulk in this movie, making him slightly imposing when he starts going bonkers. Beyond that, however, there's not much else that's good about the film.

The Bad: It seems like every horror movie made in the last five years uses the same shaky camera, jumpy editing and "hair obscuring the horror" imagery that The Ring first made popular. And in this film, like many of the other copycats, it's a substitute for actual scares and a well-directed story. The scary moments are really forced in this film, and you start to feel cheated after the third or fourth camera trick. Also, one of the big themes in this film is violence on kids--the movie begins with a serial killing of a little girl, and then spends the whole next hour threatening harm to the new kids in the house while showing the mangled victim over and over again. As a parent, I'm not fond of this type of imagery. What I usually do when I see a kid get hurt/killed in a film is immediately pull back from the movie and remind myself that it's just an actor, that the kid is alright and probably had a bit of fun shooting the scene. And pulling yourself out of the reality of the film isn't a good thing. From that moment on, I start to notice any errors or inconsistencies in the story, I start to think about the effects and the camera angles, I basically change from movie watcher to technical critic, which guarantees a lesser experience. That happened early on in this film, meaning I had about an hour to examine each actor's performance, pay attention to the lighting, and just generally not care about the story I was being told. Even worse, once I pulled back from the story, I started to notice how bad some of the effects and acting really were. It almost became difficult to sit through.

Verdict: This version of The Amityville Horror falls right into that middle ground of horror films, where it's not nearly good enough to recommend, but not fully bad enough to watch for the camp or enjoyment involved in lampooning it. It does have some scary moments, but those are mostly just the type that happen when someone jumps out at you, not necessarily suspenseful moments created by a compelling story. This film is just a "blah" horror movie, which is disappointing considering how much I loved (and was scared by) the original. If this updated version of The Amityville Horror is on cable when you get home from the bars, and you need something to watch while you sober up, it may fit the bill. But if you're looking for horror movies to add to your Netflix queue, this is probably one you don't want to waste a mailing on.