A coworker sent an email to our entire department, offering up a free cat named Cous Cous.  I was definitely interested–who doesn’t want a free cat?–but needed some answers before I took on that responsibility.  Here’s what I wrote in response:

Awesome!  I’ve been thinking about feline adoption.  Just a few questions:

1. Does Cous Cous have any latex allergies?
2. If I had a little gladiator harness just his size, do you think he would wear it?
3. Is he ticklish, or does he just get all grumpy wumpy?
4. What are his favorite TV shows?  Does he hog the remote?
5. Does he have any prosthetics, or is he “all natural”?
6. Has he ever tasted human flesh?
7. Does he answer to commands issued in German?
8. Can we change his name to something less middle eastern sounding?  We don’t want him to get hassled in airports.
9. Has he ever “done time” in “the pound.”  I think you know what I mean.
10. Would he object to being ridden by other housepets?  Say, a guinea pig with a cowboy hat?
11. How many hours a day can he be worked?  (I’m talking endurance–I know how many hours Georgia law allows.)

Let me know.  I really think this could work out for all three of us.

Well, I thought it was funny.  The cat-man sent a funny reply, as well, but I won’t post it here in case it makes my jokes seem less amusing in comparison.
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