Posts tagged humor
Child Slavery
Dec 15th
Have you ever tried to explain slavery to a four-year-old? It’s not easy.
“I’m going to make Timmy (not his real name) my slave,” my youngest daughter randomly mentioned the other day. When I asked if she knew what that meant, she admitted she didn’t. So I got the chance to throw some education her way.
“A slave is someone who has to do anything another person asks them to do, even if they don’t want to,” I offered.
“Oh!” My four-year-old replied, with a look of recognition. “So I’m Mommy’s slave!”
“Um, no. You never do anything Mommy tells you to do.”
“So Mommy’s my slave!” she countered.
“What? No. Nobody is anyone’s slave in this house. It’s a bad thing to be someone’s slave. A slave doesn’t have freedom to go where he wants to go and do what he wants to do. He’s a prisoner, kept against his will and forced to do someone’s work for them. It’s a terrible thing. And slaves are treated like property–their masters say they own them like you own a doll or a toy. And you can’t own a person, right?”
It seemed like I was getting through to them, despite my stumbling and poor choice of words. I thought I was teaching them something important.
“Oh,” my older daughter said. “You mean like in aidy.”
“Aidy? What do you mean? Like 1000 A.D.? What’s aidy?”
“Dad,” my daughter explained, becoming impatient and taking on that ‘how could you be so dense’ tone that only a little girl can pull off, “You know–aidy! Like seventy, aidy, niney. Aidy!”
“Do you mean like in the 1880’s, like the time your American Girl doll is from?”
“Duh, dad. Like Kirsten. She had a slave in aidy. Everyone had slaves in aidy.”
“Um, Kirsten didn’t have a slave, sweetie. The slave girl was another American girl, in the other book you read. Remember? Making someone your slave is a bad thing. Not everyone had slaves back then.”
“Did kids have slaves?” my youngest asked. Finally, she was internalizing the discussion–we were on the path to enlightenment.
“I’m sure some of their families did, sweetie,” I answered.
“I wish I had a slave,” my oldest offered.
“I wish it was Timmy,” my youngest added.
Free Cat
Dec 10th
A coworker sent an email to our entire department, offering up a free cat named Cous Cous. I was definitely interested–who doesn’t want a free cat?–but needed some answers before I took on that responsibility. Here’s what I wrote in response:
Awesome! I’ve been thinking about feline adoption. Just a few questions:
1. Does Cous Cous have any latex allergies?
2. If I had a little gladiator harness just his size, do you think he would wear it?
3. Is he ticklish, or does he just get all grumpy wumpy?
4. What are his favorite TV shows? Does he hog the remote?
5. Does he have any prosthetics, or is he “all natural”?
6. Has he ever tasted human flesh?
7. Does he answer to commands issued in German?
8. Can we change his name to something less middle eastern sounding? We don’t want him to get hassled in airports.
9. Has he ever “done time” in “the pound.” I think you know what I mean.
10. Would he object to being ridden by other housepets? Say, a guinea pig with a cowboy hat?
11. How many hours a day can he be worked? (I’m talking endurance–I know how many hours Georgia law allows.)Let me know. I really think this could work out for all three of us.
Well, I thought it was funny. The cat-man sent a funny reply, as well, but I won’t post it here in case it makes my jokes seem less amusing in comparison.